Rough Week

 This past February, I took some days off from being a mom, my job, everything, and drove to the Quad Cities where I holed up in an AirBnB for four days and did nothing but write. I let three people know I was in town, and I saw those three people, but during the day I wrote. And wrote. And wrote.

I dissected Summer of '89, created a new list of things to work on, questions to answer, plot knots to untangle. I even created a color coded chart to track my issues (that was really for my ADHD, it doesn't really serve any other purpose than to let me color while I am working). It was a good experience. I wrote on my time, I watched basketball while doing this, and I went to see friends when I wanted to. It was glorious.

Fast forward to this past week, which has been less than glorious. I dropped Tabi off at Girl Scout camp, and drove to my AirBnB and checked in and promptly dropped into bed, exhausted. I spent the next two days attempting something that looked like writing. I did some fiddly planning and timeline work. I planned the religious lessons the campers in my novel will learn from. But I avoided the big things. I felt terrible and ended up at urgent care for no reason in the end other than I was on vacation and just didn't feel good so I wanted to make sure to nip anything in the bud that was going to be a bigger problem if I wanted until I got home.

The next day, I sat down and started working on the hard stuff. Trying to make the plot make more sense. See what is going on with the characters that I can make work better.

To put it bluntly, this writing retreat really really sucked. I was a nervous anxious mess the entire time. 

And  The Central Authority was just having a great time this week, and for some reason, I just let them have at it. I felt like shit, to put it bluntly. The Central Authority was kind enough to remind me that I am 51 years old, and I have gotten nowhere with my writing since I left college in 2005. It reminded me when I saw who the writer was that got a residency I applied for recently that I didn't get, that I won't ever get a residency until I get something published. And that won't happen until you finish a novel. And please, don't forget about making a social media presence and doing ALL THE SOCIAL MEDIA THINGS that will help grow an audience. Again, without a book to promote. Even when I remember that Social Media is a facade, and a lot of the writers who are out there have to have help in some form, whether it's someone taking care of the kids, that writer not having a job, etc., to keep them going in the background while they present this perfect writing visual in the foreground. I know a lot of writers who have busted their asses to get where they are, and it was a lot of work. But comparison really is the thief of joy, and The Central Authority really likes to steal your sunshine.

So what am I going to do with this week that The Central Authority insists that I have wasted? I am going to realize that the last year has been incredibly hard, there's been a lot of hits from the universe that have worked really hard with The Central Authority to make things even harder. I am going to realize that extra sleep and watching time shifted basketball games might be what I needed. 

I am going to pick up Tabi from Girl Scout camp in a few hours, and I know that they had the best time from the pictures. Her dad talked to them on Wednesday and she said that she was hanging out with a friend and having a great time. She got to spend time away from her family, which I know was seriously stressing her out.

We are going to check into an AirBnb after I pick them up from camp, and we have some plans for this weekend, seeing friends and family, going to a Summerween event put on by my friend, Minda, and seeing Hadestown on Monday afternoon before coming home. All while staying at a sweet place right across the street from the Mississippi River. I am hoping that she and I can have a nice time together before we have to return to real life, and slide into our first year of junior high.

I do have some things I am working on that are upcoming, so I look forward to talking about those things when I can.

Until then, I am going to attempt to keep The Central Authority busy with anything else, and just breathe. Because sometimes what your work needs the most is just breathing.

I WROTE THE ENDING TO MY NOVEL. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

It's been since November 2024 that I have been working on Summer of '89. One and a half years. It feels longer because I have no sense of time, and because I have gone through A LOT to get to where I am today.

There's been a lot of development in this novel, of both my characters and myself. I'm not sure I have ever been so changed by something I am writing, but I hope that bodes well for anyone who might read it that it might be changing for them as well.

I have used the Save the Cat beatsheet to write the last couple novels I have been working on, and I have to say, it's been life changing too. If you are familiar with the beat sheets from Save the Cat, you know there are three acts and multiple beats within the acts. I used to just be what is called a pantser, which is a writer who just dives in without an outline or beat sheet, and I clearly needed to try something different. Someone (my perimenopausal brain ate that info) recommended this book, and I've carried it with me as my main reference since. I even got the Save the Cat Writes a Young Adult Novel because Summer of '89 is probably that genre and there are some specific things about it that I need to work with. But the original novel version is fine for most things, but there are specialty ones as well.

Anyway, back to the beat sheet. I was having issues with the 3rd act. It seemed that my main character had TWO Dark Nights of the Soul, one right after enough, and the end of the novel seemed to be on the other side of that second Dark Night of the Soul. But I was stuck. It felt weird for there to be TWO Dark Nights of the Soul. And I realized today, after months of literally struggling with it that there are definitely NOT TWO Dark Nights of the Soul for Joanie. There's one, and a distinct ending, and the other one is part of a second book.

How it took months for me to realize that is beyond me because it seems obvious. I will just blame it on perimenopause because it's making everything harder in the worst possible ways (but that's for another post).

Here's to persevering and waiting for the goods to be delivered. I am not a patient person. I often want the thing I am waiting on RIGHT NOW, like most people, and when it comes to writing, I have found that I can't always break through. That's why I have 35+ years of unpublished and unproduced novels and plays. I walk away, thinking I will come back (and sometimes I have) but still, the mountain of undone work remains. And taunts me--which again is another post.

But this time, I have remained with Summer of '89, waiting, writing myself in and out of corners, giving myself space if I need it. Luckily, applications for writer residencies and retreats have come up at the right times to give me the space I wouldn't just give myself. And life has a way of behaving badly and killing long loved cats and mother-in-laws, and also making mental health challenges for EVERYONE so that there's forced downtime. Maybe I just need to learn to listen and this wouldn't happen. Who knows, but I got through this and I have an end to my novel.

Now I just need to untangle that great wild beyond of the middle of the novel, and then we will see where we are. 

Maybe this fall.